My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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