How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
