I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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