It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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