Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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