On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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