I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
