Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
