i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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