He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
this just has baby written all over it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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