My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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