He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
