That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
