she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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