This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
