Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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