when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You were trust falling into bushes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
