Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
