Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
