there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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