Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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