I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
