I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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