Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
