I cockslap morals
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
