Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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