a queef is a wish your heart makes.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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