I wish I could teleport
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
