I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
