Im at strip club and am horny
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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