turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
