Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
