I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Randomize
