My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
