My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
