So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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