i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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