dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
