D3 body, D1 cock
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
