You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
