I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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