I think I am morally bankrupt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
