I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
