I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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