i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
