You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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