I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
