I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
