good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
