you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
