So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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