i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
