worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
